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XXX-Rated Jokes

The following jokes are offensive. Please DO NOT read any further if you're remotely offended by rude and offensive jokes.


I've been to the optician today. He told me that I'm colour blind. I'm really worried now. Some of my mates could be pakis, so if you are... can you delete my number and fuck off! Thanks. X
<Supplied by Vicki>


Two men leave Pakistan for the UK. They agree to meet two years later to see who has become the most English. Two years pass and they meet, first one says: "I've got a Beckham shirt, a bulldog and I drink beer. I go fishing and play golf at my local country club. How English have you become?"
The second one replies: "Fuck off you Paki!"
<Supplied by Vicki>


A paki got knocked down by a lorry and was killed outside of my house today. I thought: "Wow, that could have been me but then again, I can't drive a lorry!"
<Supplied by Vicki>


Homeowners are being warned about three keys that can open 73% of doors, 84% of cars and 92% of padlocks. They are dar-keys, pak-keys and pi-keys!
<Supplied by Vicki>


A little girls walks in to her parents bedroom. "Holy fuck!" she screams, "and you want me to see a doctor about sucking my thumb!"
<Supplied by Melanie>


Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's fanny
Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock cause Jill's a pre-op tranny!
<Supplied by Melanie>