"Nicky Ward, single-handily, has the ability and power to make me feel so alive"

Wayne Alton, May 2006


"Nick has become one of the most important people in my life because of how he shows his love for me; it's like I've never seen before. He's also trusted me with everything and has a level of generosity that will never ever be matched or beaten!"

Wayne Alton, June 2006

A soul mate and pal for life (that's not a choice... it's compulsory) hahaha!



I met Nick in October of 2004 when he originally met with Jezz.  Jezz saw him a few times and finally arranged for Nick to visit by coming to the flat.  We got on straight away and instantly, I knew that Nick and I shared the same sense of humour.  Nick's also a big kid (or, as he says: young at heart) so we share that trait too.

The first place we ever went to together was on 3 November 2004 at the Wednesday night Karaoke at The Goose and Carrot with Jezz and David Jack.  But since knowing Nick, one of the most common pastimes we do together is eat and a lot of the time, it's dining out for meals in restaurants.  The first meal we had out together was Nick introducing Jezz and I to Mimi E Coco's in Cheam Village on 21st April 2005.


Other occasions together have included meeting up at the Courtyard Clinic, St. George's Hospital for their annual Christmas do, going to see Joan Rivers at The Fairfield Halls, Croydon with Jezz, Pete and Anthony, dining together at Dino's restaurant in Mayfair and the Beefeater in Gerrard's Cross when we were chauffeuring together one evening, and again at Max's on a few occasions, Wing Yip Chinese on the Purley Way, Nicky's restaurant in North Cheam, Beijing Garden, North Cheam and most recently The Grasshopper Inn, Westerham (the little one in the village).


Another love Nick and I share is cars... and the more grand the better!  Since knowing Nick, he's introduced me to some lovely cars including the Volkswagen Phaton, BMW 760i, Bentley Arnage and his own Mercedes SLK and more recently, the Lamborghini Gallardo. 




One of the most outstanding features from Nick's personality is how trustworthy he is of me.  In the short time of knowing him, Nick has entrusted me with his flat and door keys, all of the cars mentioned, bank account details and credit cards, including PINs.  He is second to none when it comes to trusting anyone and given them a chance, sometimes more than one chance, to be trusted.

Another great feeling I have with Nick is how we are both able to recover, almost immediately, from an argument... and with us both being as feisty, arrogant and bumptious as one another, there have been a few of those moments. Nick reckons he always wins but silly old him, I'm the one on the keyboard that is able to broadcast that it's always me that really wins.



The photo on the right is of Nick's friends in Denmark, Sorrin and Lass.




And so in to 2009 and in an effort to keep this page up to date, relations are repaired between Nick and Jezz after several months of indifferences and Nick's has a new partner, James, pictured left.


 Nick gave me a lovely Valentine's Card this year (2007).  It was particularly special because it was a friendship card and I really wasn't expecting it!  I want to share the words with you because I think they're so lovely.


Best friends Are Forever

 Best friends always remember so well

All the things they did together

All the subjects they discussed

All the mistakes they made

All the fun they had…

Best friends always remember how their friendship

Was such a stabilizing force during confusing times in their lives

Best friends may have different lifestyles

Live in different places and interact with different people

But no matter how much their lives may change

Their friendship remains the same

I know that throughout my life wherever I am

I will always remember so well and cherish our friendship

As one of the best I have ever known


Susan Polis Schutz






Nicky Ward has a way with analogies that leaves us all scratching our heads for ages... but they're sometimes very funny and we here at waynealton.com, feel that we should both share them with our readers and embarrass the crap out of Nick at the same time!

"You don't have a dog and bark yourself" 

"There's no point in getting on that aeroplane and just before we career in to that mountain side, you decide to tell us, oh but the parachutes don't work!"

 "You've taken me from putting a plaster over a wound to brain surgery" (when discussing my choice of the new upgraded handset for his mobile).

and lots more involving the word "Lexus" and phrases like "at the end of the day" and "it's like making an omelette!"  We'll add more as we hear them!


Ok, we've got some more... we've had to wait a while to see if these are one-off comments or some more regular irritating catchphrases:

When Nick isn't paying any attention to you or doesn't particularly agree with you, his response is usually: "Yeah, I suppose you're right!"

He'll normally end a telephone conversation with: "Ok, well I'll love you and leave you" and sometimes preceded by "Well you have a super-duper day!"  and this one: "Love you lots and jelly tots!"

Nick has buttons.  Sometimes his buttons can get pushed and he'll be furious and other times, people are just not pushing his buttons, to mean that they're just not exciting him.


On Friday 6th January 2012, Nick and a gaggle of his friends all gathered to celebrate his 50th birthday at The Dining Room restaurant in Hersham Village, near Weybridge. There were 21 in total and it was a very pleasant evening. Here just some of the photos including the magnificient cake, hand made by the even more magnificent Kim (who has a very handsome husband... hahaha!)

Click on any of the thumbnail images below for its larger version
nick nicksarahe nickjames lindanickmick nickwards50thcake
  party1 kimpaul party2  

Wayne ceased the opportunity of a comedy roast and wrote the following the night before the event:


We are gathered here today to celebrate, well ok, highlight... No? Alright then,  draw attention to... the fact that our friend, well ok, chap over there that we all know... No? Well ok then, the irritating old fuck that we've all come to tolerate, that on 28th of December, Little Saint Nick here, was 50 years old. So attention seeking grabbing is this inconsiderate old queen, he had to ruin everyone's Christmas and new year by having a birthday in the middle of them! And yes 50! I know - I was with him in the post office the other day. He said to the old dear behind the counter: "I'm 50 you know?" She said: "You've been shifty for years, ya dodgy bastard!"
But you know... And I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say that despite his quirky and quite honestly, annoying ways that, at times, have left me bereaved, pulling my hair out, driving from Dunbar Court at 70 miles an hour, fused with exasperation, frustration and my nerves in tatters, that and if I can put aside the infuriating traits of Nick Ward, from his unmentionable strange fetishes to the more common but equally bothersome; breathing... I feel confident to say that there is no one quite like Nick... And thank fuck for that! But you know, where would I be today without Nick as a friend... "Better off," I hear you cry.  But no, without knowing Nick, I wouldn't be here... I'd be somewhere else... Like all the other lucky fuckers out there that don't know him! I'd like to say that having Nick in my life has been a wonderful experience... I'd like to say that!  But no, Jezz and I have a truly wonderful friend... It's Michael, here. Have you all met him?
The reason why Nick always sits in the front of a car is because he spends the rest of his life enjoying it in the back! When I said I liked Nick in the front of my car, I wasn't talking about inside of it! Awe, my dear Nicholas, I'd like to do an impression... My tyre tread on his face! Nick's always been great to have a good spat with, a good old argument or a large discussion. He's the best mass debater I know!
For many a year he thought he was a Count, but that's dyslexia for ya!
You leave him alone... My Nick comes with 2 volumes... Loud or annoying!

Having someone like Nick in my life, as I have done for the past 8 cruel long years, is much the same as... gay sex... Continually being screwed... that's a pain in the arse.... and very often, in and out of the shit!
I often wonder what it be like if Nick was better looking... Well for a start he'd probably get more cock and let's face it, with a dick in his mouth, keeping that old bitch quiet, has gotta be good for all of us! And that's the other point, his self-confession to be hopeless at giving blow jobs has meant that his arse has had to be accommodating and boy as he made up for that. I'm not saying that his hole is loose and sloppy, but at one of the sex parties I saw him at, they placed him next to the bar, turned him upside down and used him as an ice bucket!
But he does alright... And he can't be that bad cos some of his sex partners do come back a second time... Admittedly it's after Nick has called to let them know that he's finally shat out their wedding ring or in some cases, their wrist watch!
But look, if I can just keep the embarrassing bits out of this speech, like the wipe-able rubber French Maid's outfit, the red 6" high stilettos or the mildly disturbing stomping videos... And if we could just concentrate for a moment on the finer qualities of our dear Nick, then this will take no time at all!
Ladies and gentlemen, my friend who can be described as my right hand (because that's a wanker too)...  I give you that irritating old fuck, he's thrifty, he's shifty, the useless cock sucker that's no less than 50.... Mr Nicholas Ward.