I am so happy to have met you, Afife (and Tommy). You've always made me feel so welcome whenever I've called round to see you. You also had a charming way of blending a warm friendly invite with needy help by calling upon whatever computer skills I had. You made it very entertaining and you also introduced me to your fabulous cooking.
My bright and wonderful nephew. I often worry about how the next generation will turn out but you always remind me there's intelligence and excellence. I also feel that you and I have an understanding with each other that is unique. I thought it was originally because I'm childish enough to relate to your understanding of the world but I realise more and more it's actually because you're so mature.
One of the funniest people I’ve ever had the privilege to work with. You and Liz made my working at the DIA the longest job I have had. I only stayed there for the laughs that I had with you. There were bad times, normally when it was your time of the month and we both had tension from it. But you’re one of the hardest working people I know, Barb. You’re generous to your family and you make a fab Mum. You have always deserved better and maybe one day, you’ll get it!
12 November 1928 - 24
December 2001
To Betty - you are one of the hardest losses that I have suffered in my life time. I feel I have known you all of my life and my growing up may not have turned out quite so happy without your being around. As a child, I remember always thinking that you were so up to date with everything... the only adult that knew all the decent records in the charts but more importantly why I wanted friends to stay, a girlfriend to stop over and the reasons for needing a certain brand of trainers! You would pass on my feelings to Dad because I hadn't developed a way of expressing myself convincingly... I didn't need to... I had you! One of my fondest memories was of us being alone together on one of the family holidays to Rustington. Another was of my coming out to you... that I was gay. Just you... with no one else to interfere or spoil the kind words of reassurance that I so desperately needed and that you so readily had, almost rehearsed... because you once said... "I always knew you were gay, Wayne!"
Your passing on Christmas Eve, 2001, left us all with a huge chunk of life and soul missing from all of our lives. From that moment, whilst comforting Dad, my heart was constantly torn apart by the unsettling blend of restful happy memories that aided my grief but then by the feeling of Dad's pain with each amusing short story he would tell.
Our Song: "You Make Me Feel Brand New" by The Stylistics.
You continue to remind me of all of the pressures of what growing up is all about - the need to impress your mates, have the best, be in charge and let your voice and opinions be heard. You don't need to lose that Charlie... it's a good thing, not a bad thing. You'll always have the respect of everyone around you, providing you keep a civil tongue in your head!
The most harmless and kindest woman I have ever had the privilege to experience. You’re also the cuddliest and the most easy going character. I couldn’t fault you with anything, Chris. The perfect soundboard and listening-ear when I needed it most. If I were to think of an angel, you’d be my next thought.
You came along, just like a song, and brightened my day... But seriously... in such a short space of time you became a big part of my life. You're funny, friendly, utterly approachable, a good laugh, knowledgeable - there's not a lot you're not!
You're also one of the few people I know that had a genuine concern for me. I believed you when you said you worry about me. And this went on while you had your own problems and burdens.
Professionally, you were one of the most efficient and approachable people and you combined sensitivity and courtesy with every issue I threw at you. One of the most endearing traits was your laugh.
Dave, there’s a handful of people I considered I fancied to the point of fell in love with – and you were the first. Your straight-acting had me going from the start. You haven’t been there for me on so many occasions you almost don’t deserve a mention. But then again, you do. Because I grew up in to the scene with you. The introduction of my gay life style was with you and you took me places and introduced me to sessions of sex that were and are still unique. I’m glad you chose David as a long-term boyfriend – you and I wouldn’t have lasted as long despite your opinion in 2000… we are both too much alike.
UPDATE: I know I haven't exactly been by your side for 2003, but I hope that our phone calls together went part of the way to you surviving a very difficult time.
24 July 2004
Our Song: "Little Girl Blue" by Nina Simone.
Originally, and once again, Jezz met this guy from the internet and got chatting. Well, I feel like I've known you for years. a genuine and really decent guy. We haven't known each other that long and yet we've stayed at each other's homes for the weekend several times. Funny and intelligent and I reckon that's why we're so compatible! Hahaha!
You’ve played a large part in my life.
We had our bad times together and, sadly I remember some of them, but I
also remember the fun we had, especially in the early days when we were first
together. I grew up with you,
laughing with tears. I’ll treasure and never forget those times together, after
school, with Sam and Tony, and Diane.
Evenings
in the bedroom playing records and singing along, and me waving goodbye to you
at the bus stop from my bedroom window.
We
shared a precious moment together when Kelly was born.
I haven’t experienced anything like that since.
You’re a good Mum and you have a kind and caring heart.
Our Song: "Saturday" by The L.A. Boppers.
Well they don't come much tougher than you. A strong fighting character with all the strength of a bulldozer, yet conduct that exudes refined dignity and charisma. I have never seen that before or since. It was often said, that our firey characters were similar but how we expressed them were different. I was just a screaming drama queen, while you were gracious and thoughtful about your opinions. You taught me that in the end.
Well – we met and became friends so quickly. You’re one of the most amazing that can show others: no matter how much life can get you down, you can just pull through and find laughter still. I’d like to think I’ve been there for you and you’ve certainly listened to me, when I’ve had my problems. You’re bubbly and brilliant fun to be with. You have stamina to deal with loads of issues all at once. But moreover, you have a really nice outlook on life and it infects and spreads quickly, making you a great person to be around.
UPDATE: When your Father died, Em, I observed a period of bewilderment and uncertainty with life in you and then over the months, as your pain eased, you've become so much more grown up and yet have maintained that fun and bubbli-ness about you! The powerful and heart rending wording of your emails just give away how sensitive and special you are!
4 April 2005
Our song: "Reunited" by Peaches and Herb.
Meeting you for the first time is one of the best stories I’ve been able to share with others. You were very professional and very convincing. But then your expressions have always been confusing. I was never sure if I was shocking you, making you laugh, or just teasing… you have a fabulous sense of humour. You made me feel so special by bringing me in to your family, like I was a lost son. Hey – maybe I was!
Francis Alton (Gran)
21 August 1900 - 28 April
1990
The entire development of my life I owe to you, my late Grandmother. You insisted on being called Gran... not Nan or Nanny. It was the only occasion, still to this day, that you was the only person I ever knew that was feared by all... not for brawn but for the high standard you demanded of everyone and everything. Gran, you did a good job at keeping your religious beliefs to yourself but made no bones about letting folk know of your principles and morals. It was to be this trait I would carry forward in to my adult life and that has manifested itself to be the sheer honesty streak I have today.
I grew up from as early as a year old, abandoned by my real Mother. My Dad's Mum, Francis Isobel Alton looked after me and my two elder sisters at her home and we shared our lives together, along with my Grandfather, known to us as Grandpa, until he died in 1976. Then, eventually, when considered old enough, we moved across the road, to live with our Father. I was about 11 and I moved out of the family home when I was just 17. But the type of semi-Victorian upbringing I had from my Grandmother meant that I could, from the point that I was very ready and capable of living alone and fending for myself.
A feisty, loveable and genuine friend. It never seemed to matter where or when we met up and had a night out, it was always guaranteed to be an excellent night. My favourite was my 29th birthday. We went to the bar. I spent a lot of the time sitting on your lap, eyeing up the talent and we'd compare notes on what was hot and what was.... not! But I particularly love your "fag hag" qualities. You're definitely one of the best people to have a night out with.
Delightful, camp and witty. It’s nice Freddie, to think I made a friend with you from being a friend of a friend. You kept in touch, made an effort and have long since stayed in touch and advised and guided me where I’ve needed it, when I’ve asked for it. You’ve also taught me some of the funniest lines that I’ve had the cheek to copy. Your intelligence and success has been an inspiration to me and I admire how you combined your professionalism with your outrageous mannerisms.
You're a right one! Who'd have thought it? You went out with Noel and then I did! I cherish the way we've kept in touch with each other. If I had to compare myself to someone I knew, it would be you. We see the humour in the same things, at the same time.
You... you're bright, funny, fun-loving, radiate happiness and have a thing about the latest in technology. See, sounds like me, dun it? Two peas in the same pod.
All the best... you whole hunk of fun, you!
Mother – yes another mother figure. One memory I love to cherish, is that Emma said you always knew you’d like me from the very first time you met me and all I can say is; I felt the same. You’re maternal and a friend. You’re lovely, bubbly and a thoroughly loveable person.
Jezz and I met you in 2001
and you're one of our first mates whereby you become a friend of both of ours.
Still living in Edinburgh, we generally get to see you when you're down in London and
visiting folk. I've grown very fond of you over the years and there'll
always be a space in my bed heart for you.
Awe... our Grm! Another of Nick's mate's. Despite Graham's hard, menacing, thuggery but horny looks, he's really just a gentle and perfectly mannered guy. We haven't known him all that long but it feels like we have and he's been a dear and decent friend.
Hello wonderful. I think I love you. D'you know something Helen? You've almost tested my sexuality. If I didn't have respect for Jim, I think I'd have tried it on with you by now! Hahaha!
Seriously though, you have every charming quality that we all look for, in a friend, a partner or a family member. I mean this... you're funny, gorgeous, and always so approachable. You have one of the most infectious laughs and any room is instantly a better place as soon as you walk in to it.
I normally see a good-looking straight couple and say: "Lucky bitch!" - in your case; I'm saying it to Jim!
Intelligence has always intimidated me slightly... but not with you. Your bright, extremely sharp and witty repartee with me on the phone, kept me going. You flattered and complimented me, but with genuine words. You’re talented and successful and it’s a pleasure knowing you and sharing some of your life with you has made me happy.
Ian, I have to mention you. When I think of how we met, it’s great to think we’ve kept in touch over the years. You’re so lovely, warm and caring. You were also a complete and utter bitch with your sharp and quick-firing retorts of insults that I loved so much. You taught me how to be gay, but how to carry it off with pride, dignity and respect and for that, I’ll love you forever.
My most memorable moment of you, was my 30th birthday. You turned up, from all that way, and with one of the best presents that anyone has ever given me… a Marianne Faithful CD.
I had a conversation with you once, years ago, about combining love and sex with relationships. It was you that taught me that if two people can think and feel the same about having an open relationship, keeping love and devotion for one another aside from sex elsewhere, that it can work. Well, you were right... I've done it and it does work!
10 July 1948 - 30 May 2002
Marge – you’re incredible. You wrote to me and told me things that really made me feel good. You chose cards that were always so appropriate for that time and mood I was feeling. Your kind words told me to keep my spirits high and yet it was those kind words that did.
I suppose there’s always a quality in everyone that someone will remember. With you, Jean, it was your laugh. You laughed at everything. You’re a lady in every way, yet what I loved more than anything else, was your ability to blend in to the world of vulgarity that I threw at you, time and time again. You're fab!
UPDATE: Jean, my scepticism of the spiritual world and its beliefs has always kept my mind open. From one of my most precious and intimate moments of just you and I, alone together, both in your garden but more importantly, whilst I was in hospital; I've carried this feeling with me wherever I go... I can't describe it other than maybe a confidence like feeling but one that I'm not controlling and when I wonder... I think of you! No one else!
24 July 2004
7 July 1957 - 19 February 2008
It hasn't been so long, but you're a great mate, good friend and one of our more knowledgeable friends that have been there, done that and then come back to tell us all about it! Ha ha!
UPDATE: Our Jeff... Jezz and I were horrified by the tragic news of Jeff's murder in February 2008. It quite literally has changed our lives forever. How such a dear and wonderful person can be taken away from Michael, his family and indeed, us, is all too harrowing an ordeal to understand. I think about Jeff everyday and I believe I always will.
21 June 2008
You know, in all my time on the gay scene, albeit Central London, Croydon or Brighton, I have yet to meet someone so new and fresh that is as adorable and wonderful as you Jezz. Your constant systematic kindness, consideration, care, compassion, affection and support are exemplary. You’re unique and probably one of the nicest guys I have ever had the fortune to meet. I’m so proud and pleased that you play a large part in my life… you comfort me in a way that no one else can. Our fate of meeting in that week of November instead of my taking the weeks break in September, clearly meant that we were destined to meet.
It's already so evident to the people that know and care for me, that you are my strength and my guide through and through. You have the relentless energy of looking after me, looking out for me and all in a way that I've never seen before. I'm trying hard to think of somebody more considerate than you... and I'm still thinking!
You’re in that very special place in my heart Jezz and there will never be anyone else ever like you in the rest of my life... I wouldn't want there to be!
UPDATE: I've been doing updates for others every so often and yet I haven't with you, have I? Well there's a very good reason for that you know! You are consistent with everything you mean to me. You haven't stopped caring Jezz. I don't think you ever will. I don't know about you, but I feel as confident about us today as I did three and four years ago. This month has seen our 6th anniversary of us being together. I don't feel any different. You know what's so good about us..? We're in to our 7th year together now... and I feel no itching! We never will. Some will argue we're both too busy with other people to have time to 'scratch any itch' While everyone else wonders how we do it... you and I are enjoying the companionship that most will only ever wish they had. You're still my absolute rock.
20 November 2006
Our Song: "Should I Stay... Should I Go" by Gabrielle.
It is so refreshing to have a straight guy not be offended by some guy in their lives who is gay. In the short time we've known each other, you've looked after me like a big brother. You're one of the most tolerant placid straight blokes I know and one of the most charming features you have, apart from Helen, is your ability to take any knock or fall and show us all that being patient and calm wins every time.
You're marvellous!
You’ve been a thoughtful and caring person, something anyone could ever want in a friend. You’ve made me laugh so many times with you (and sometimes at you because of your funny ways). Your professional approach to everything you did in life blends in to your strong character that has always impressed me. You’ve taught me a lot, Johnnie; from how to fold socks to how to be strong when I first thought I was dying. When you consider the way we met, and the way how queens get their trade from one to the next, it’s a beautiful relationship and friendship we had and one that many would and have, envied. You’re one of a few that I can say, nothing was ever too much trouble. You’re tolerance of me when I’ve been weak, foolish and in-considerate, was exceptional. I loved you very much.
UPDATE: I won’t retract anything I’ve said above – because at the time of writing those words, I meant everything. However, since then, I have experienced a trait in your personality that has certainly made me learn that, no matter how good a friendship is – there is always a danger that it can turn sour and bad. I am saddened that we are no longer friends.
31 August 1998
This is another one of those "in such a short time" situations... and they're happening all far too often, but someone comes along, who has a great smile, good looks, intelligent and with a sense of humour... and I'm completely sucked in! Karl, you're funny, outrageous at times, a complete theatrical nightmare and I love you, lovey! But you're also kind, thoughtful and take meticulous care in looking after all that matters to you... it's normally you but that's not the point! Hahaha! That was a joke, by the way! Just in case you've flounced out!
UPDATE - When I think of what you go through with your work, I'm totally impressed with your strength and stamina. You are amazing with your ability to cope and I thought I was too old to learn another trait like that, but your influence is electric and I find myself doing more with my life since knowing you! You're also elegant and stylish and I'm waiting for that to rub off on me too!
11 March 2004
Our Song: "Since You Stayed Here" by Liz Calloway.
Your being a close friend to Nik has meant so much. You're strong, funny and sensible. You're a complete rock when it matters. Our limo night in 2001 with Nik, Fran and Paul for Jezz's birthday was a total success, because mixed with the madness that is Nik and Fran, is you! An incredible talent to be able combine all that is vulgar and crazy with dignity and a genuine care.
UPDATE - I'm so bitterly hurt and will always be each time I think of you. Each lasting memory of your convincing me that you were genuine and not lying to all of us about your affair... the deceit and blatant disregard you had for Nik, Stacey and Charlie and then for all of those that it affected after... your Mother and me to name but two. You're a good man with a good and gentle heart but your addiction to drink has marred all that I once admired in you!
19 September 2002
Lee Walsh (formerly
David Jack)
Meeting up with you again after all of these years, was brilliant. You’re a fabulous bloke with only love and care in your heart. I can’t imagine you ever being angry or violent with anything. Your affection for me has soothed me through endless bouts of trauma that had been going on in my life. Whether they be, general, specific or deliberate, you have always been there to listen to me, talk me through a bad patch. I tell you this much, David (Lee), when I held and cuddled up to you, it’s a feeling that I didn’t feel with anyone else. Your arms have a warmth and strength about them that is total sincerity. For that – you’re up there as “One Of The Best”.
UPDATE: I've realised in the last few years, you are the tonic to shifting an otherwise depressed state of mind to one of laughter and a more happy mood that has the power to change how my day unfolds. We share the same sense of humour and find our differing outlooks on life an enjoyable and amusing telephone debate.
11 March 2004
You’re fantastic. I loved talking to you on the phone, listening to your accent and your funny ways. You and Pam accepted me from day one. I remember that the most. We were modern and trendy while the rest of the office was square, rigid and frumpy.
My most memorable time with you, Linda, was at John Penman’s party. We got drunk together and danced the carpet away. You will always be funny, yet sensitive, a lady and yet one of the girls. You’re amazing.
I missed our chats towards the end of my neighbourly friendship. I used to love the way you and I had a unique understanding about each others problems. I found a way about you, Linda, that allowed us to laugh with each other about each other and at each other. I loved your Mum and Dad, your parties and your party spirit that lived on for years after the events. You’re cuddly and it’s a shame I can’t say we shared more together.
UPDATE: I was deeply saddened to hear of your Mum's passing earlier this year, 2003... my thoughts were with you completely.
27 December 2003
You and Chris have been the best substitute for a Mother
anyone could wish for. It’s
incredible how much confidence I had with you… I knew I could always rely on
your support with anything I wanted to do, or had already done. Even if you didn’t approve, sometimes… you still gave me
all the assistance or encouragement that I needed and with any problem I threw at you. You’re so strong in mind and
can cope with anything.
You have a maternal care for anyone you come in to contact with and are so acceptable to nearly everything. On a lighter note, you are the funniest and camp-est woman I’ve ever met and I love you for that. You made working at the DIA so special, come to think of it… you made it bearable!
Well, what can I say about you that we all don't already know? You have the usual personality of a Gardener (that's as in family, not a gardener - that would just be silly, besides you don't garden) - but you also have this backbone quality that is there, ever on hand, should the strength within the family link weaken. It's that finely tuned ability to reserve your own emotions for a more private moment, and be there, strong - for those who need you... probably one of the best strengths that can exist in a person.
Lizz is pictured here with her daughter Cerys.
A truly, lovely, charming person to be in the company of. I loved the way in which the entire family accepted me immediately when Vicki first introduced me to you all, but I particularly love remembering when I first met you. It's always nice to make people laugh and I felt that I was always able to do just that with a few people, no matter what the mood or environment. In my list of people who I enjoyed sharing anecdotes with, you and Jean are definitely in the top three.
The photo shown here is with Jean, Mother (and Maggie's sister) and Maggie's on the right.
Isn't it strange how long we've really known about each other and yet the fact that we only met months later? Yeah, right - whatever! You see everyone, right now she's saying: "Yeah alright, I'm getting bored of this already!" But that's Maria. Honest, upfront and a complete C**T. Hahaha! But more seriously... Maria is quite unique in so far as she is so honest... someone once said to me, 'you're too honest for own good' and that's what we share Maria... we're both too honest! With other people that don't deserve our honesty, it's a shame - but with a friendship like ours, it's what makes it so special. Bullshit free. But my fondest memories of you are the fabulous times we've had in the SCILL kitchen. You always laughed with me, or was it at me? Even when it's evident that you were down in the dumps... you always told me that I cheered you up again. We've had some excellent laughs and piss takings and I believe, for someone who doesn't mind displaying her levels of dizziness (which incidentally just makes you even more lovelier) you're completely tuned in to my sense of humour. One other thing I've noticed, on that note, you catch every quick line too, and indicate to me that you've spotted it. I love that bit the most!
You're right up there, Maria!
In my life, Mark is the finest example of towering, enormous strength and yet has a remarkably, calming, relaxing and soothing approach to life. His stories, attitude and anecdotes continue to keep me entertained and I love the 'grumpy old men' style chats we have! Looking forward to the next one!
I've know you since around 1982. You have been consistently funny, intelligent and immaculate with appearance and conduct. You also have a terrific and refreshing outlook of life that is completely addictive. Meeting up with you again in 2008 was just so wonderful.
Here's an all-round fabulous bloke. Another short space of time and yet so true and wonderful a friend. We've had some lovely moments together and you're also one of the easiest people to get on with. You're intelligent and funny and you've taught me a few long words along the way.
Michael DrewOur most dear and wonderful friend, Mike. Jezz and I met you through knowing Jeff and your partner of 22 years. Since Jeff died in February 2008, our relationship with you has gotten naturally closer. Mike, you are an amazing gentleman with intelligence and sophisticated charm and you're also very handsome, fancy-ably so!
I've known you for a long time now and my admiration and respect for you is as strong today as it's ever been. How you cared for Colin, through to his death is more than courageous. How you cope and get on with life I aspire to. You are gentle, considerate and sensible and I love the memories we have of our friendship.
What a totally gorgeous bloke! You are unquestionably one of the most sensitive, gentle and genuine guys I've ever met.
One of your best qualities is that you are so genuine and sincere with everything you say and do; it's extra funny when you say something cutting. I can't imagine you ever losing your temper, and certainly never with me... and nor me with you. And that, amongst other things, is why I think we'll be friends forever.
I missed Gran when she died, and have never really gotten over it. But, that feeling of loss, returned when you moved away to Grimsby with Alex. The mixture of hurt and anger I’ll always remember, largely because whilst you were doing something I never wanted you to do, I also felt so proud of you… you’ve always been meticulous with everything; doing it the right way. I’m proud of your efforts to make a go of it, Michéle. However, you have also showed me that no matter how much effort you put in to something, it doesn’t necessarily turn out the way you intended. You’re a gutsy sort that will stand up to anything, bit like Nik, but you also have a quality about you that is calm, non-aggressive and successful, that I only ever saw once before in our family… and that was in Gran.
Our song: "One Nation Under A Groove" by Funkadelic.
It's strange that we grew up in the same neighbourhood and yet never got to know each other until some 30 odd years later but I'm so glad that I have. Nick, you are a lovely generous and funny guy. You're honest (sort of - hahaha) and I enjoy our intimate chats about life and comparing our devotion for others. You've taught me that decent, unconditional and true friendship is to be treasured and is only available in the most respectable and wholesome of people. Since knowing you, I've realised how clued up you are with a lot of things. I might not want it, but your opinion and advice continues to be useful in my decision making. As with my mate Gavin, I've found another 'me' in you! We think alike, we laugh at the same things and we enjoy the same interests, well most things... weirdo! You know, whatever other folk don't like about you Nick... I love!
UPDATES:
Nick, when I have a problem with anything and I tell you about it, I feel that you not only share the problem with me but actually are equally as concerned. So concerned, you seem as worried about the outcome as I am. Now that really is rare.
21 July 2005
Nick, you're becoming so important to me and a truly dear friend.
9 October 2005
Nicholas, I am writing this 'cos you've asked me to. Haha! No, seriously... as you read the comments I leave about others... you must know that my feelings for you are only ever growing stronger and stronger. I'm loving you now more than I've loved any friend and like your constant motor-mouthing; I see no sign of it letting up! and I don't want it to! Nicky, spiritually, I'm feeling and sensing that you and I meeting the way we have, is like someone has given me the gift of having a big brother... something that, without you... I'd never have experienced. By the way, I always thought that the 'big' bit meant older... <smirk>. See, everyone else is reading that bit back again... you got it first time! I love you, you clumsy old faggot... and don't you forget it! Oh... and you now hold the record for having the most amount of updates!
20 November 2006
Our song: "You're Moving Out Today" by Carole Bayer-Sager.
It's sorta weird when you just know that a friend forever is there at the end of the phone and I hope I've got it right again this time. Jezz and I met you one evening and we remained in touch after exchanging telephone numbers and chatting online together. You're intelligent, very quick-witted and funny and I love you!
I think the reason why you and I will remain in touch and friends (hopefully forever) is because we laugh at the same things and have other similar interests to boot <smirk>.
A sister and friend all rolled in to one. We’ve shared some times together, from drinking and socialising, laughing and crying, living and working together. And, if we’re both honest, they haven’t all been fun. But Nik, you have a presence about you that everyone loves. You’re easy to have fun with and you’ve lifted me so many times. I want you to know, I have never seen such extremes of sheer strength in a person as you showed us all… your battle with bereavement and fighting on for Zoe, Stacey and Charlie, taught us all that there is inner-strength measurable to nothing. I’ll always love you because you are my sister (and probably as a sister), but I hold a great admiration for you as a friend with enough charisma to chat up anything that we both fancied. You’ve got what it takes, and always will have. If I had to sum you up with one word, I’d say “ fighter.” You bounce back from everything, Nik. You’re wonderful.
UPDATES - In addition to all I have mentioned above, you are also the one I remember the most while I spent 12 weeks in hospital. You were there, everyday and through my being unconsciousness, I detected and felt the strength and hope through your hands, your spirit of fighting, your gentle soothing voice. And all this support from you, while you maintained your role as a Mother at home as well as a full time job. You’re actually rather incredible.
10 July 2001
Is it a good thing to have fallen out for three months and then made friends again? Probably... because I concluded when I made up with you, ignoring you was only meant to be painful for one of us... not both of us! Yes, you can be the pain and the nuisance that every big sister is... but I've learned I can't be without you, and trying to be didn't work well at all... and I'm glad 'cos I feel more complete with you in my life.
14 April 2006
Our song: "Bring The Family Back" by Billy Paul.
Well - what do I say about you that hasn't already been said? The zest of my life! All the world's arrogance rolled up in one person? There's a magic about you that every time you walked through a door, the room was filled with life and fun (so long as you weren't too pissed from the outset!!)
You've shared some of your life with me and I'm proud and honoured to have ever gone out with you... and I'm also impressed by how long it lasted... (hahaha). But it's what we had after and being there for you reminds me of what a difference my existence can make. I think I’ll always love you from deep within my heart. I hope you find all the happiness you’re looking for. Having said all that, “You Won't Find Another Fool Like Me” babe.
UPDATE: In addition to my comments above, I have to mention about your incredible coping powers and strength while I was in hospital. My baby boy, I am so grateful I had you with me throughout my illness this year. You showed everyone that doubted your love for me, including me, that you always have loved me, deep in your heart. Your arrogance portrays otherwise but I’ll always know that behind that exterior of tough masculinity, is a deep beautiful caring personality. Don’t lose it, Noel…it’s your best quality!
26 September 2000
Our Song: "Closer Than Close" by Rosie Gaines.
In such a small amount of time, you became so incredibly important to me. Your knowledge of life and your ability to laugh at everything, was a true tonic. I think of you a lot and I love the way you can still laugh despite all that appears to be wrong. We have so much in common, Norm., up-bringing, history, opinions, love of dance music and the idea of a good night out. You became my soul-mate overnight. Your strength, guts and balls rubbed off quickly and I’m proud to have had anything to do with you. I loved most of all, your support for everything I wanted to do. You stood by me and talked me through all the hard times and sad times with Noel and Pete. I knew when you didn’t agree but you had a way of casting your opinion without causing offence – that was one of your best qualities.
Paul – you know, everyone else thinks its weird how we got on so well, you being Pete’s boyfriend with me being his ex. Living with you, has had us sitting and talking for hours at a time. You’ve shown me how it’s possible to be completely self-less, one of the best soundboards I ever knew and a target of my barrage of joke insults every day. You totally exude kindness and thought. Getting your words wrong was always a bloody good laugh, as well. “That’s the icing on the biscuit” being one of the best ever! But I’d also like to believe that we were there for each other too. You and I were always having a heart-to-heart… I played Jonathan and you were Jennifer, or was it Freeway!?
Our Song: "One More Time" by Daft Punk.
I have always loved you and your love for me has shown how two people can stay together through absolutely everything thrown at them. You have always been there for me… in particular, when little Billy died, you were there for me to cry on and helped me find the strength I needed for Nikki and the rest of the family. The court case back in ’89, where I thought suicide was the only option at one point, you stayed by me and brought me through a time I thought I would never come through. The news of HIV has been such a terrible strain on you as well as me, and yet you hide your emotions of upset and anger in front of me and just smile. The qualities in you, Pete, I have never and probably never will experience in anyone else. You’re one of the most intelligent, kind and thoughtful of my friends. Being together for so long has allowed us to know each other so well that we knew what each other were thinking so many times and it mainly surfaced in humour. And it’s that I want to take with me as my most cherished gift from life. You and I were our own double-act with ourselves as the “screaming-with-laughter” audience and I loved that about us more than anything else. I love you, you old bastard, and if I can, I will come back and haunt you til you laugh with me again.
Our Song: "Sunshine On My Shoulders" by John Denver.
Richard, despite our knowing of one another for years, you have become a lovely close friend recently. Your losing Marc in 2004 was heartbreaking to witness but I'm continually impressed by your strength to smile and make like everything is OK. Your personality is genuine and of only truth and kindness. I love being in your company and I want you to remain in my life forever, my forever at least.
Our song: "It Looks Like I'll Never Fall In Love Again" by Tom Jones.
It got off to a bit of a rocky start, when we first met, Ron, but you and Denise have been an inspiration in my life and taught me the more civilised way of handling myself when I needed to. I’ve enjoyed learning from you on several occasions on how to tackle difficult situations and how to overcome them by coming out on top every time. Being from another generation, you taught me that there are values, beliefs and morals that allow others to endear or reject you. You have never shown any rejection with me - from what I’d call “a fine upstanding man of the community” who strongly believes in family values, something that my life style desperately opposes; you always tolerated me to the point of accepted, my existence in your family. Then developed on that, to mentioning you looked at me as a son. That will always be one of my favourite compliments.
Russell Alton (Daddy)
12 November 1924 - 12 April 2008
You’ve taught me so many things from a young age and I have used them in my every day life ever since. Your experiences of life have shown me, and probably Nikki and Michéle too, that no matter how bad and how hard life is getting you down, there is an inner-strength that can pull you through it. You’ve displayed this time and time again. When Gran died, you found a way of coping with three grieving people that all needed you there and then. I don’t know about Nik and Michéle then, but I know I needed you. I felt something ripping our family apart and you kept the whole traumatic time at a level we all coped with. Exactly the same thing happened when Billy died. Nik needed you and were there completely but still found the courage, strength and time for Michéle and I. Dad, I’ll love you to my grave and beyond - you have taught me when to care and when not.
UPDATE: Losing you this year has been the single most biggest loss in my life ever. I've never experienced an uncontrollable outburst of emotion before but I only have to think of you, not being around me, there at the other end of the phone, that voice I have known all of my life that has helped to guide, advise and care is no longer with me... and I cry. It's happened twice now... in very embarrassing circumstances. I don't mind really because it's about you... and I know it's likely to happen again.
You said you wouldn't let me go before you. Did you think that the pain would make me stronger... maybe one day, Dad... but right now, I'm hopeless without you.
23 June 2008
Our Song: "Baker's Street" by Gerry Rafferty.
Sare – my little mate. You’ve always been so gentle and understanding. My outrageous behaviour has sometimes been a little unacceptable to some, but you’ve always laughed it off and accepted me. I love you for that. I loved the times we went binging together. Just you and me. And the rest of the world could go fuck it self. We’ve had so many laughs as well. I remember the time you and I laughed for hours about that lady at work, in the kitchen, that broke a glass. I told her that you had said… “was that her ear-ring?” HAHAHA. And we had so much fun doing impressions of Veronica. We spent time together going to venues that were worse than dives. Carrots, Club Dionyus. Dreadful.
Still, we have had some fab times as well. G.A.Y nights and touching Boyzone together. And still – probably the best, and yet bizarre, were nights at the Moon-on-the-Hill. You made me feel so comfortable so many times. Times when ordinarily I would have felt vulnerable. Like, on the tube, in a straight bar, in front of your parents.
Our Song: "Don't Give Me Your Life" by Alex Party.
You’re wonderful. You accepted me from day one, genuinely told me, on lots of occasions, that you loved me and dealt with me as though I were another brother. You’re particularly special in my memories because of how supportive you were when Pete and I told you about my being HIV+. I might’ve just as well as said I’ve got a verrucae for all that it mattered to you. And that’s what I loved about you. Apart from that, and I’m sorry if I’m letting something out here, one of most enjoyable moments was getting stoned with you. You’re a bloody good friend indeed and a bloody good laugh to boot.
We’ve had our ups and downs Sarah, but you’re so strong and determined… that you’ve held our friendship together single-handedly. You are still the most professional and the most organised person I’ve ever met. You also showed me that knocks come small and great, but with love and laughter, you can ride through them (or do a runner). Hahaha!
Awe... Jezz and I were unjustified and wrong to have judged you on stereo-typical grounds. You're a decent, honest and totally loveable bloke who just 'appens to smoke too much! Hahaha! Our weekend away to Brighton in November 2006, left us all feeling like we had bonded in a new way. I'm glad you've given us the time to get to know you.
Oh... and your body is smooth and gorgeous, with particular emphasis on your sexy bum!
Sharon – has anything ever gotten to you? In the time I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you bad tempered, angry or violent. Oh I know you have been… you told me. But never in my company. I’ll only ever know you as someone who only ever grabbed life and made the best of it. You work hard, and play kind. You’re a true mate, sociable with anyone and everyone and always accepted me.
Revision – ooh dear! Just a quickie to say, that I have now seen you bad tempered and thankfully, it wasn’t with me.
Our Song: "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" by Elton John and Kiki Dee.
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Simon, "my lover!" Nick-named "my lover" since day one; you are gentle and likeable. I haven't known you long but from what I know, you're completely adorable. And something else that's perfect: everyone else loves you from the moment they meet you. One of the most fabulous personality traits you possess is how selfless you are. You think of how others around are feeling and completely forget about yourself.
UPDATES:
Your upset showed me something I haven’t seen in anyone for a long, long time. My connection with you is always pleasant and sometimes beyond physical and I sense a true feeling of affection from you like no other but last night was something on top of that!
My darling boy… I struggle to show you how I am truly feeling, largely because of my strong relationship with Jezz. But I want you to know… you’ve become extremely special in my life.
6 November 2006
Simon is the Valium in my life.
20 November 2006
Our song: "Fallen" by Lauren Wood and "Together We Are Beautiful" by Fern Kinney.
You have pretty much everything that any Mum would be proud of. You're intelligent, quick-to-learn, out-going, forthright and certain about everything you want to do. You're extremely pretty and I feel quite sure that you'll be successful at almost everything you do.
You hold the record for being one the most fanciable men that I haven’t had the pleasure of sleeping with. I suppose that was largely due to you being straight but I loved the way you accepted the situation. It was almost as though you admired the idea. I bet if I was woman, you’d have shagged me by now. Apart from your looks and body ('cos that part is all geezer), you’re a gentleman Steve… and that is rare and unusual both on the gay scene and within the hettie-world. You’re a great Dad and an excellent friend. You’ve looked out for me so many times and I haven’t forgotten any of them. You looked after my car and kept it road-worthy at the cost of next of nothing and you have always helped everyone when they’ve asked.
I've only known you for a short while but in this time you have become so close and so special. I've found another Steve (as above) - a straight guy that is gentle, calm, caring and considerate. You see, I don't see them too often and they don't necessarily stand out in a crowd but in this short space of time, I've found you to be a decent and honest true friend and I want you around me forever. I've said this to you in person Timmy, that you give me a feeling of great calmness. When I'm feeling down or frustrated, I've noticed an instant soothing affect when I speak to you or meet with you for lunch. Despite how much everyone else says I'm in love with you, and who cares if they're wrong or right... what they don't know and maybe you don't realise, is that what I'm in love with is how pleasant and calm you are! I'm getting by just fine having you around... seeing you smile and feeding off your relaxing approach to everything is all I need. Mind you, letting me feel your muscles from time to time has gotta help too! Hehe!
In just such a short time, Tony... we became so close. Staying with us was so lovely and when you went back home I felt so sad. You're one of the kindest, friendliest gay men I've ever met. You're sincere but most definitely your best quality is your laughter. You're a very funny person and as I tell everyone; you've caused me pain in my sides with laughter.
I can't believe in so little time that we'd known each other.. we'd laughed and cried together. Our chats out in the kitchen were very precious to me - you shared some intimate details of your past and it confirms to me just how forgiving you are. You are a very dear friend and I love you buckets. <snigger>
UPDATE: I used to talk to you as often as I did my Dad. You became such a completely vital part of my life. You're one of my most favourite gay male friends of all time. Cheesy, but these words from a Dionne Warwick and Friends song, seem so appropriate now...:
"Keep smiling, keep shining, knowing you can always count on me...
...For good times, and for bad times, I'll be on side forever more... That's What Friends Are For."
24 July 2004
Our Song: "21st Century" by The Weekend Players.
I met you in 2001 when Jezz introduced me to his then equivalent of a 'fag hag'. Instantly we hit it off and were friends within minutes... in it great when that happens? Well, despite the fact we don't get to talk that often, when we do it's epic and constantly funny. You're totally outrageous and share my sense of humour so completely, it's like we've grown up together! Still to this day, our funniest moments were doing hoaxes on members of the public in Wallington from your car with Jezz and Sam.
It's wonderful to know that there are lovely people in the world... it's even more pleasurable to realise that some of them are a part of my life and you are absolutely one of them!
Really, thinking now, you are one in a million. My favourite ‘fag-hag’ of all time.
You have shown me so much in such a short time. Your presence is hauntingly attractive and your company astoundingly uplifting. I’ve never known a woman like you. You spend your entire time thinking of others. Running around, for everyone else. Your most memorable asset, is your memory and your fabulous proof-reading. I bet you're reading this now and you've found a spelling mistak somewhere - there! There's one! You’re incredible with how much detail you remember and I used to love the way you put me straight on a few things (in more ways than one). Hahaha.
My Dad once said that I should have settled down and found myself a nice young girl... "and what's the matter with that Vicki?" he once asked. Well, nothing! It's only because I was gay, I spose!
UPDATE: How arrogant is that? I mean the assumption that if I were straight that you may have been my girlfriend... although you may have been... it's that bumptious conceited streak in me, isn't it? Well maybe not... you see - I only have to think of you my darling... and I feel confident again.
I just want to let everyone know, that may be reading this: that whenever possible, Vicki and I have this unarranged pact now that if either of us are out and about in the car, and our song is playing on the radio, we have this need to call and sing it down the phone. It's not always convenient to listen to our Vicki, croaking Always And Forever down the phone at me; sitting in a hospital waiting room, but that just adds to the gorgeous-ness of our relationship and the never-wilting love we have for each other.
1st October 2006
Our Song: "Always And Forever" by Heatwave.
Pete will tell you I’ve needed people from time to time in
my life, but none like I’ve needed you.
We
have a way with each other that we learnt and built on, every time we speak,
whether it be on the phone or face-to-face.
I’ve cried and laughed with you on several occasions and I
look back thinking how you managed to pull me through the hard times of my
learning about my health.
I don’t know why but you were the only person who put me straight whenever I needed it most. Talking to anyone else other than you, always left me feeling; “well, that’s that, they’ll get on with their lives now and I’ll just carry on worrying”. But you were different. You told me when to behave, when to be more considerate and even when not to. Thank you for everything.